Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

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Brett Favre NOT Retiring?

January 6, 2011

ESPN is reporting that Brett Favre has signed an eight year, 12 million dollar contract with the Minnesota Vikings.

“I just didn’t get how easy the quarterback position can be from the sideline” Favre said while changing a tire on his tractor at his Hattiesburg Mississippi home.

With a long history of flip flopping (or should we say croc flopping) on the whole retirement issue, Favre has been the butt of jokes throughout sports media.  After a less than impressive 2010 season Favre learned from his season ending injuries that after 297 consecutive starts football was much easier from the sidelines.  Having never actually watched a game from the bench, an elated Favre declared “now I know why Aarron Rodgers was so cool about letting me start all those years.”

While Favre understands he might once again be required to enter a game someday, he is currently content with wearing headphones on the sidelines while contemplating new angles at which to photograph his less than impressive penis.

When asked who she thinks Brett will cheat on her with next, breast cancer survivor Deanna Favre replied, “No comment.”

 

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World Cup Hero Dies From Blow Job Overdose

January 6, 2011

In a tragic turn of events, Spain’s Andres Iniesta suffered a heart attack following days of non-stop blowjobs from adoring fans, star-struck chiquitas, and even current Minister of Defense Carme Chacón.

Iniesta died less than 72 hours after scoring the winning goal in the second overtime of the 2010 World Cup championship game against the Netherlands.  The midfielder had apparently been on an oral-sex drought before heading to South Africa for the World Cup and decided to cash in on his recent heroism in a constant stream of felatio.

Doctors cite the continuous rushing of blood away from Iniesta’s cardio vascular system following days of endless hummers as the main reason for his heart’s failure.  Iniesta was 26 years old.