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Man Makes Weight Loss Bet Then Goes on 17-Day Bender

January 24, 2011

Moffetter Camping During the First Week of Bender

Truckee, CA – Bill Moffetter says he’s still feeling pretty confident about the weight loss bet he made a few weeks ago after finally crashing from a 17-day bender fueled by high alcohol content beer, and a mixture of whiskey, gin and more than a few Bloody Mary’s.

“That fat bastard Randy doesn’t have a chance,” said Moffetter.  “The contest is 90 days.  I know I drank a lot of calories during my bender, but I wasn’t really remembering to eat much as I have been getting pretty fucked up lately.”

In the meantime, Moffetter’s opponent in the contest, Randy Strong has only had one alcoholic drink, and that was only to cope with losing more than $200 at cockfight while vacationing in San Juan. Regarding the ‘incident’, as he calls it, Strong said “If my little cock was stronger, I probably wouldn’t have needed that drink.”

“I gotta give a lot of credit to my early success to my wife Cinnamon,” said Strong. “She’s been drinking all the booze so there is a lot less of it in the house. I am truly blessed.”

When asked about Moffetter’s 17-day bender, Strong said, “Are you fucking kidding me? That shitbird promised he would give it an honest try. I’m busting my ass here, working out 3 times a day and eating goddamm rabbit food.”

Upon hearing about Strong’s commitment to the contest Moffetter still shows no sign of concerns.

“I’m a natural fucking athlete, Moffetter said. “I played basketball for two hours hungover today…I thought I was going to die for a few hours afterward, but I didn’t. That just shows you how strong I am.”

Moffetter plans to stay sober at least until Wednesday’s poker night at which time he plans on drinking beer in Strong’s face likely enticing him to get him back in the drinking game.

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