Keep Christ out of x-mas far undersell competitors

January 7, 2011

Activists for the non-profit group “War on Christmas” reported unexpectedly low sales numbers following their first year producing their trademark “Keep Christ Out of X-Mas” tee shirts.

“We expected our rival competitors at the ‘Keep Christ in Christmas’ campaign would give us a run for our money considering the ignorant insurgence the Tea Party is seeing as of late, but we never expected to fail like this,” said graphic designer and self-proclaimed Christ-hater Richie Scheaffer.  “We just figured that since the not-so-liberal media has pegged us ‘liberals’ as fighting a ‘War on Christmas’ because we believe in respecting all beliefs we might as well fight the war they invented.  Obviously, we need to regroup before next year’s campaign.”

Amongst the 2011 plans for the “War on Christmas” are a new series of shirts featuring “Jesus is the Reason for the Tweezin'” which depicts a woman tweezing her eyebrows in a mirror while an open-robed Jesus lays in the bed in the background and “Jesus is the Reason for the Wheezin'” which features an overweight child struggling for breath as a smiling Jesus holds an asthma inhaler high above the child’s head.

Scheaffer feels that eventually the “Keep Christ in Christmas” crowd will be subdued by realists like himself and his like-minded colleagues who work with him at the printing co-op in downtown Atlanta.


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