What Da Fuck is with Giraffes?

January 6, 2011

By: Gibson Andrews
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) made a shocking public statement earlier this week, and believe it or not there wasn’t a single naked celebrity to been seen.  On Tuesday morning, the non-profit organization sent out a press release calling for the immediate and complete slaughter of every last Giraffe on earth.  Calling the decision a relatively easy one, an unnamed spokesperson for PETA is quoted off the record as saying “those things are not fucking natural, just look at them.  The board met and we all agreed, giraffes are fucking creepy and we need to get rid of them all.”

And PETA is not alone.  Recent DNA tests have confirmed that Giraffes are in fact, total fucking genetic freaks. Containing plant, animal, and tribble DNA (see Star Trek), scientists are still working out how to actual classify these genetic clusterfucks.

People have been wondering about Giraffes for a long time, and there are obvious reasons as to why…

Not to mention…

Da Funion usually disagrees with two groups: PETA and Goddamn Nazis.  We are going to take a bold stand on this one and side with PETA.  Some of our readers may have an affinity for Giraffes and have fond childhood memories of feeding them at the zoo, but rest assured, Giraffes are total abnormalities and should be culled from the earth as swiftly as possible. Trust us on this. Oh yea, and for once you can trust PETA too.


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